Category Archives: ZU Sports News
In the cloak of darkness a meeting was held deep under the grounds of Zombie University and it was decided that from this point forward the Athletic team(s) would now be named the Zombie University Manglers.
Coach Browlan, along with the Professor of Infernal Fine Arts, T. Kyle Gentry, and the Vicar D. Mortii, Brian Hardin II, met last night to discuss the sports team’s name.
Coach Browlan stated, “I simply feel that our teams name in the past has been tainted with something we don’t condone. When we first named the teams the FleshMongers back in 1823, it simply meant one who deals with serving flesh. We kindav figured that it was catchy, ya know, we deal in serving the opposing team their flesh. In recent years that term came to be something, uh, ehm, to describe the ladies of the night.”
Hardin had this to say, “Not that we condemn the ladies of the night, but during games over the past few years we would notice people attending that were looking for something <em>other</em> than a sports game. We simply felt it best to change the name of the teams.”
Gentry remained silent for most of the meeting, but in the end he gave his stamp of approval; “Manglers works.”
From this point forward, as indicated in the first sentence of this article, the football team, soccer team, hockey team, golf team, all of them, will be named the Zombie University Manglers. All instances of the old name on campus (and the website) have been changed to reflect the new name.
In ancient Roman religion, the Manes were the souls of deceased loved ones.
The word was also used as a metaphor to refer to the underworld.
Manes is derived from “an archaic adjective manus—good—which was the opposite of immanis”.
The Manes were offered blood sacrifices. The gladiatorial games, originally held at funerals, may have been instituted in the honor of the Manes.
Seeing as Manes Field currently sits atop an anchient cemetary, it seemed only fitting that it be given the name it has.
Old tombstones can be spotted throughout the Stadium, and on the Eastern most 10 yard line, burried about 6 feet down it is rumored that the lapis manalis, gate to the underworld, is burried.
Bright and early yesterday the tee-off took place in the University’s first ever Golf competition. But the opposing team, the Mongbats, evidently arrived with no golf balls. More than happy to oblige, Coach Browlan purchsed half a case from the University Bookstore and gave them to the Mongbats. Balls went flying at about 7:00 AM, with the Zombie University Manglers pulling out ahead by only 3 strokes at the end of the day.
“Golf has been up and down for us for years. As long as I can get them to stretch and limber up, we usually play a good game.” Coach Browlan stated.
Hockey has always been a difficult sport for our University. After loosing 4 games in a row in which we managed to not make a single goal, we finally managed to score 1 goal in game 5. The goal came 23 minutes into the game. We still lost.
Practice makes perfect?
After cleaning up the track around Manes Field from the recent reconstruction, three pairs of track shoes were found. The strange thing is they are dated back to the 1922 year’s Track Team. They were found in a box located in the basement, tucked away under layers upon layers of rotting tarp. The shoes are in pristine condition. They will be placed into the trophy case at the entrace of the track for all to see.
Three home games in and it was finally time to take it on the road. While the Zombie University Manglers took to the field and ended up winning, it was not as fun as the home games usually are.
“We use heads when we play, at University of Zealoff, they used an actual soccer ball. We just were not prepared for it. We only won by 1 goal.” Stated Number 17, Greg Knoffler.
The next game is scheduled in three days and will be a home game.
Having played 4 game so far this season, the Zombie University Manglers Basketball team has gone undefeated so far this season. Looking to get a seat in the Conference should be a shoe in this year. Coach Browlan has stated time and again how proud he is of the team. When asked about the competition he states:
“We’ll eat up the competition, no team is better suited to play this game better than us. Yes, I used better twice.”
Game 5 is scheduled in two weeks with the Zombie University Manglers playing ACLU.
In the final game of the season, the Zombie University Manglers score 31 points against the Vampire College Bloodletters. The VCB managed to score 7 points during the 3rd quarter when the running back for ZU lost one of his legs.
For years there has been a major rival between the Zombie University Manglers and the Vampire College Bloodletters. Last Thursday one of the ZUM footballs was mailed to the Athletic Department. It was flat and had been punctured by two small holes. Along with the football was a note, it read: “Next season you will all sleep for eternity!”
Not knowing if this was a prank or a warning, ZUM Coach Browlan, had this to say:
“It’s got to be a prank. Surely they know that zombies can’t die? Surely they know zombies can’t be infected by a vampire’s bite? I mean, right?”
One thing’s for sure, we cannot wait for next football season to start up!
For the new 2009 Fall Semester, Manes Field is undergoing a major renovation. In previous years inclement weather has forced many a game to be shut down. Construction on the field is due to be complete in two weeks and students will finally see a massive dome covering the stadium field. Moreover it can be opened to let in the sunlight (or moonlight) and on those special occasions where the field needs to be flooded by rain from above for that good ol Zombie Mud Romp.